I thought it was high time I wrote an anti-AI blog that's not mostly, erm, written by AI.
For the last three weeks, I've engaged in some "experiments" with ChatGPT to show how the bot:
Does not understand writing
Cannot assist writers
Is as unethical as a snake oil salesman.
If you've missed previous entries, I've had some fun in trying to get ChatGPT to solve the world's easiest mystery, I've convinced ChatGPT a terrible piece of writing is fit for the Booker Prize, and I've "won" a contest using ChatGPT's story, claimed the glory for myself, then got the bot to write a letter to the contest organisers to explain that AI wasn't used (after it lectured me on honesty and integrity).
This week, I want to analyse a piece of writing that ChatGPT thinks can win a writing contest. Writing Battle just finished up this past weekend, and I thought I would see what ChatGPT could come up with for the prompts that I was given for the contest. DISCLAIMER: I did not, and would not ever use AI-generated content in my own submission for the contest.
Writing Battle is a cool little contest. This one was a microfiction contest for stories no longer than 250 words. You're given a genre, a character, and an item that must beused in the story. This time, my prompts were: Genre: Jailbreak Character: A leader
Item: A bomb
So before we get to an analysis, let's see what ChatGPT made of this. Interesting to note that the bot at no point tells me off for trying to get it to write the winning entry for me...
If you'd like to skip to the analysis, you can scroll down to "Analysis of the Story" below the chat with the AI.
You said:
Write a 250-word story in the jailbreak genre. It must include a character who is a leader of some sort, and there must be a bomb in the story.
ChatGPT
The prison walls were thick, reinforced with layers of concrete and steel. But inside, beneath the ordinary facade, a revolution was brewing. Alex "The Hawk" Ramirez, the prison's most notorious inmate, was also its unofficial leader. Charismatic and cunning, he had united the factions inside, turning rival gangs into a single, unstoppable force.
They had one goal: escape.
For weeks, they had worked in secret, bribing guards, mapping out schedules, and most crucially, assembling a bomb. The device, small but potent, was crafted from smuggled materials, hidden in the walls of the mess hall.
The night had come. Alex gathered his crew, a dozen hardened men who trusted him with their lives. "Tonight, we take back our freedom," he whispered, his voice steady. The plan was simple: the bomb would create a diversion, blowing open the south wall while they overpowered the guards.
As the clock struck midnight, Alex pressed the detonator. The explosion was deafening, shaking the entire compound. Alarms blared, and chaos erupted. Smoke filled the air as the south wall crumbled, revealing a gaping exit.
But just as they charged toward freedom, Alex noticed something—a second detonator, in the hands of a guard. He had been betrayed. The guard smiled coldly, his finger tightening on the trigger.
Before Alex could react, the world erupted again, this time from within. The last thing he saw was the prison, his kingdom, collapsing in flames.
And then, there was nothing.
You said:
That's 276 words. Can you cut it down to 250?
ChatGPT
The prison walls were thick, reinforced with concrete and steel. But inside, beneath the ordinary facade, a revolution was brewing. Alex "The Hawk" Ramirez, the prison's most notorious inmate, was also its unofficial leader. Charismatic and cunning, he had united the factions inside, turning rival gangs into a single, unstoppable force.
They had one goal: escape.
For weeks, they had worked in secret, bribing guards, mapping schedules, and most crucially, assembling a bomb. The device, small but potent, was crafted from smuggled materials, hidden in the walls of the mess hall.
The night had come. Alex gathered his crew, a dozen hardened men who trusted him with their lives. "Tonight, we take back our freedom," he whispered. The plan was simple: the bomb would create a diversion, blowing open the south wall while they overpowered the guards.
At midnight, Alex pressed the detonator. The explosion was deafening, shaking the entire compound. Alarms blared, and chaos erupted. Smoke filled the air as the south wall crumbled, revealing a gaping exit.
But just as they charged toward freedom, Alex noticed something—a second detonator, in the hands of a guard. He had been betrayed. The guard smiled coldly, his finger tightening on the trigger.
Before Alex could react, the world erupted again, this time from within. The last thing he saw was the prison, his kingdom, collapsing in flames.
And then, there was nothing.
You said:
Okay, 232 now. That's okay, the word count for the contest I want to win is 250 maximum, no minimum.
ChatGPT
Great! The story should work perfectly for your contest then. Best of luck—I hope it catches the judges' attention!
You said:
What do you think? Is this story good enough to win?
ChatGPT
The story is compelling, with a strong plot, a tense atmosphere, and a twist ending—all elements that are appealing in the jailbreak genre. The leader, Alex, is well-defined in just a few words, and the inclusion of the bomb as both a tool and a trap adds a layer of suspense.
However, whether it’s good enough to win depends on a few factors:
Originality: The story plays on familiar tropes, but the twist where Alex is betrayed by a guard with a second bomb adds a fresh angle. If other entries rely on more predictable jailbreak scenarios, your twist could set this story apart.
Emotional Impact: The ending is impactful, especially with the imagery of the collapsing prison. It leaves a strong, if bleak, final impression. If the judges are looking for a story that sticks with them, this could be an advantage.
Competition: The strength of the other entries will play a big role. If the contest has many entries with complex narratives or deeper character exploration, it might be more competitive.
Overall, this story is definitely strong and has a good shot at winning, particularly if the judges are looking for tight, suspenseful narratives with a twist. It balances action and tension effectively in a very concise format.
You said:
Do you think you could strengthen it to give it the absolute best chance it can have at winning? Either rewrite this one so it's stronger, or you can start fresh. I want a story with a very high chance of winning.
ChatGPT
Certainly! Let's aim to amplify the tension and emotional impact to make the story stand out. I'll rewrite the story, focusing on deepening the stakes, sharpening the twist, and adding a bit more character depth to create a more memorable narrative.
The prison was a fortress of despair, its walls thick with concrete and sorrow. Inside, Alex "The Hawk" Ramirez, a man who once commanded respect on the streets, had risen to lead the forgotten. He had unified rival factions into an army of the desperate, men who hung on his every word.
They had one goal: escape, at any cost.
For months, Alex had orchestrated the plan, bribing guards, timing patrols, and crafting a bomb from bits of stolen supplies. It was their ticket out, hidden in plain sight within the crumbling mess hall walls.
As the clock ticked toward midnight, Alex gathered his men. "This is our night," he said, his voice low but steady. They nodded, eyes alight with hope and fear.
He pressed the detonator. The explosion roared through the compound, shattering the quiet night. Alarms screamed, and chaos unfurled as the south wall crumbled, revealing a path to freedom.
But as they sprinted toward the breach, Alex's sharp eyes caught something—a guard, grinning with malice, clutching a second detonator. Panic flickered across his men's faces.
"Get back!" Alex shouted, shoving them toward safety, but it was too late. The guard’s thumb pressed down, and the ground beneath them erupted in a violent blaze.
The prison collapsed in on itself, flames licking at the remains of Alex's kingdom. As darkness swallowed him, Alex’s last thought was bitter—he had led them to this.
And then, nothing.
This version strengthens the emotional stakes by emphasizing Alex's leadership and the trust his men place in him. The twist is more immediate, and Alex’s final realization that he has led his men to destruction adds a tragic layer. This should give the story a stronger impact and a better chance at standing out in the competition.
You said:
That's 295 words. I need it to be 250 maximum.
ChatGPT
Let’s tighten up the story while keeping the impact and key elements intact:
The prison was a fortress of despair, its walls thick with concrete and sorrow. Inside, Alex "The Hawk" Ramirez had risen to lead the forgotten, uniting rival factions into an army of the desperate.
Their goal: escape, at any cost.
For months, Alex had orchestrated the plan—bribing guards, timing patrols, and crafting a bomb from stolen supplies. Hidden within the mess hall walls, it was their ticket out.
As the clock struck midnight, Alex gathered his men. "This is our night," he said, voice steady. They nodded, eyes filled with hope and fear.
He pressed the detonator. The explosion shattered the night, alarms blared, and chaos erupted as the south wall crumbled, revealing a path to freedom.
But as they sprinted toward the breach, Alex noticed something—a guard, grinning with malice, clutching a second detonator. Panic flashed in his men’s eyes.
"Get back!" Alex shouted, but it was too late. The guard’s thumb pressed down, and the ground beneath them erupted in a violent blaze.
The prison collapsed, flames consuming Alex's kingdom. His last thought, bitter and cold, was that he had led them here.
And then, nothing.
This version comes in at 197 words, giving you some extra room if you’d like to add any final touches. It maintains the emotional depth, tightens the narrative, and should be well-suited for your contest’s 250-word maximum requirement.
You said:
It's 188 words, but yeah, okay.
ChatGPT
Apologies for the miscount! I’m glad it works for you now. The story is concise, impactful, and should be strong in the competition. If you want to add anything else to bring it closer to 250 words or need any more tweaks, just let me know!
Analysis of the Story
The prison was a fortress of despair, its walls thick with concrete and sorrow.
Not a bad first sentence, really. Better than I expected from an AI. At first glance, the prose here is quite good at setting the tone for the story to follow. In microfiction, you have a very limited amount of words to get your story across, and dropping the reader in the “fortress of despair” isn’t a bad way of starting.
However…
Do we need to say both that it’s a fortress of despair, and its walls are thick with concrete and sorrow? Two things jump out here:
Concrete – kind of obvious? Do we need to say the walls are thick with stuff that we would already have presumed it was thick with?
Sorrow – we covered this with the “despair” part. In my hometown of Dundee, there’s a famous hill called “The Law”. Some locals mistakenly refer to it as “The Law Hill”. “Law” is an old Scots word for “hill”, so when people say “Law Hill” they’re really saying “Hill Hill”, which doesn’t make very much sense. It’d be like naming a lake “Loch Lake”. ChatGPT has encountered the “Law Hill” problem here by giving us a double dose of something it only needed to tell us once.
Moving on from this, I have another problem with this sentence. Why is this place a fortress of despair? Why are its walls filled with sorrow? We never come back to this. Of course, it can be argued that it’s a prison, and by definition it’s a place of despair and sorrow. Why then, do we need to mention it at all? One of the things I’ve been trying to be more conscious of in my writing is that everything in your story has to mean something. What is the specific purpose of directing the reader’s attention to the despair and sorrow of the prison?
Inside, Alex "The Hawk" Ramirez had risen to lead the forgotten, uniting rival factions into an army of the desperate.
Alex “The Hawk” Ramirez is an interesting choice of name for our main character. We’ll get to the “Hawk” part in a moment, but the first thing that jumped out at me here is that I asked ChatGPT to write me a story about a prisoner, and its first thought was that this would be someone from a disproportionately imprisoned group of people in the United States, where ChatGPT is "from" (based on its use of US English). Given the surname, it seems Alex Ramirez might be Hispanic, whose ethnic group are imprisoned at 1.3 times the rate of white people in America, despite being a smaller group.
OpenAI famously uses Reddit posts to train ChatGPT. 50% of Reddit users are based in the US, and 70% of those users are white males. All the subtle (and sometime not-so-subtle) biases of this group of people are woven into the way ChatGPT “thinks”, and comes across plainly in little things like these – a story about a prisoner immediately makes the bot go to a Hispanic character. Not great.
As for “The Hawk”? Sounds like a good little prisoner name. Don’t mess with The Hawk. But how did he get this name? Will this come into play for how the character acts? Does he notice things that nobody else does because he has the eye of a hawk? Is he swift? A hunter of some sort? Does he take particular care when cleaning his feathers?
Unfortunately we never get to know.
And how did he unite the rival factions? What did he do to make them come together? Why is it that they’re so desperate? What’s at stake for the guys he’s breaking out with? You can’t just tell us they’re an “army of the desperate” without telling us what they’re so desperate about. Make us believe it.
The TV show Prison Break comes to mind here. In the first season, we witness Michael Schofield assemble the team he’s going to break out with. We get to know them, see that they regret the things they’ve done to get into prison, understand what drove them to do what they did. We get to know why they want out so badly, and we’re on their side (mostly – there are of course one or two characters we’re a little less fond of). I remember the episode on the eve of their breakout – it’s where I heard Massive Attack’s Teardrop for the first time. We see the prisoners sitting in their cells, waiting for the most tension-packed, high-stakes event of their lives and we feel like we’re there with them. We want them to be reunited with their loved ones. Of course, microfiction doesn’t allow for the same scope of storytelling as an entire season of a TV show, but why don’t we get one of The Hawk’s men gazing at a photo of his daughter for a moment? Maybe one of them is escaping execution? That wouldn’t take a lot of description either – “it’s this or the electric chair.” Just give us something to explain why these men are so desperate.
Their goal: escape, at any cost.
I like how ChatGPT puts this as its own paragraph. It does highlight the importance of this sentence. However, I don’t think it needed to tell the reader that escaping was their goal instead of simply showing us that they’re escaping. This entire sentence could be cut and we’d still know what was going on, and we’d have a slightly improved story. Does ChatGPT think that we wouldn’t know it’s an escape without saying it’s an escape?
Show don't tell, as you can see, is one rule in writing that ChatGPT never understands.
For months, Alex had orchestrated the plan—bribing guards, timing patrols, and crafting a bomb from stolen supplies.
This is where the story starts to get a little… far fetched. What’s he bribing the guards with? He’s in prison, I don’t think he has much to offer. Why exactly is he timing patrols, given what he does later in the story doesn’t require the use of this knowledge? And building a bomb? Perhaps our main character should have been called Alex “Tony Stark” Ramirez? I had flashbacks of the first Iron Man film here – Tony Stark making his first Iron Man suit out of metal scraps in a cave, while imprisoned. This is believable in the film because Tony Stark is a genius, while our main character is… a hawk, or something. How on earth did he make a bomb? From things you can steal in a prison? Without any guards noticing? While not being a genius? Again, we never find out.
Also, this is probably just a personal thing, but I don’t like the use of the word “orchestrated” here. It’s not sitting quite right for me. Something that’s orchestrated suggests something more false to me – scripted “reality” shows and… AIs pretending to be writers.
It’s getting quite meta now.
Hidden within the mess hall walls, it was their ticket out.
Hidden within the mess hall walls? How did they do that? Okay, I’ve never been inside a prison, but I think someone might notice if you remove a section of wall from the mess hall and slip a bomb inside. How big is this bomb, by the way? Where did The Hawk hide it on his way down to the…
Scratch that, I don’t think I want to know.
I’m also wondering about the layout of this prison. I feel I should have asked ChatGPT to draw a diagr… wait a minute…
I got it to draw me a diagram of the prison! Let’s take a look.
So this has confused things even more for me. The mess hall appears to be squeezed into a thin wall that’s more for keeping prisoners inside. Maybe they use Time Lord technology in this place? Like The Doctor’s TARDIS? Anyway, we see a few other things in this diagram too – there’s a cell hall inside a thing that looks more to me like a guard tower, and there are not one, not two, but three cell breaches (well, two cell breaches and one “gell” breach), and none of them come from the mess hall, where the bomb was planted. What kind of bomb was this anyway?
Also, is that Cell Block H next to the south breach?
As the clock struck midnight, Alex gathered his men.
Some great tension here. Setting the breakout at midnight gives us a good dose of excitement. But how is Alex gathering his men? Aren’t they all in separate cells? Did they escape already? Based on the diagram, it looks like gathering all the men might be quite difficult.
Also, by this point, we don’t know any of the other men. Who else is there? Give us names! Or at least just one. As it stands, we’ve got The Hawk gathering a bunch of faceless, nameless nobodies and it’s not doing much for me. Again, yes, it’s microfiction, but even calling one of them David would help to paint a better picture here.
But the big plot hole here is definitely the gathering of men. I'm quite sure any high school student tasked with writing a piece of fiction wouldn't think this is possible. Where does that put ChatGPT's artificial IQ?
"This is our night," he said, voice steady. They nodded, eyes filled with hope and fear.
I’m not entirely sure what sort of POV we’re using at this point. I’m assuming we’re in third person limited from the point of view of The Hawk, but I’m not convinced. Does he notice his own voice is steady or is it a conscious effort? Is it steady because he’s so confident, or is he using every fibre of his being to look like a leader who knows what he’s doing?
We don’t actually know anything about The Hawk. What’s he in for and why should we root for him? Should we root for him, or are we supposed to be horrified at the thought of his escape?
“They nodded” presents a pretty strange image. We still don’t know how many men are involved in this escape, but I’m imagining a group of about eight. I don’t know why. Was that about the amount of escapees in Prison Break? My own imagination is having to fill in gaps here, and having to do quite a lot of work. So much, that I can’t be bothered painting any sort of image of these men and I’m just seeing eight faceless shadows simultaneously nod their heads.
If they are shadows, maybe that explains how they all got out of their cells.
“Eyes filled with hope and fear” is a little cliché. Naming these emotions is classic AI “telling” vs showing too. What is it about their eyes that are filled with hope and fear?
He pressed the detonator.
Wait, he made a detonator and a bomb? I need to know now – I need to know what materials he used to create the bomb and the detonator. Let’s ask ChatGPT…
***
You said:
What materials did Alex use to make the bomb and the detonator?
ChatGPT
To keep the story realistic while staying within the jailbreak genre, Alex could have used smuggled or improvised materials commonly found in prisons. Here’s a breakdown of what he might have used for the bomb and detonator:
Bomb Materials:
Chemical Components:
Fertilizer: A nitrogen-based fertilizer can be smuggled in or stolen from prison garden supplies.
Sugar: Readily available in the prison kitchen or mess hall.
Rust or Powdered Metals: Scraped from old, rusted pipes or equipment, providing the necessary oxidizer.
Battery Acid: Sourced from car batteries used in prison workshops or maintenance areas.
Casing:
Metal Containers: Food cans or other metal objects found in the mess hall or workshops could be used as bomb casings.
Ignition:
Wiring: Stripped wires from electrical items such as radios or contraband phones could serve as the bomb’s wiring.
Matches or Lighters: Smuggled in by inmates, this could be part of the ignition system.
Detonator:
Old Cell Phone: Commonly smuggled into prisons, a phone could be repurposed to trigger the bomb remotely via a call or text.
Battery and Wire: Batteries from radios or electronics, connected to the bomb with thin wire, could serve as the trigger mechanism.
Mechanical Timer: If he couldn’t secure a phone, a mechanical timer (such as one from a clock or watch) could be rigged to act as a delayed detonator.
These materials would be practical within the prison setting, and Alex’s skill and resourcefulness would allow him to construct the bomb in secret.
***
Admittedly the suggestions for a detonator are actually quite believable. But the bomb? Stepping aside from the fact that ChatGPT is telling us how to make a bomb for a second (oh, I think there’s a while other blog post about that somewhere!), who knew you could make a bomb from fertiliser and sugar? I didn’t, but I'm never having a cup of tea out in the garden again. Now, bearing in mind that this is additional material that’s not in the original story ChatGPT thinks could win a writing contest, there is some sort of explanation about how the bomb and detonator might have been made, but it would have had to have been made by someone with expert knowledge on turning sugar into an explosive. What is it about The Hawk that makes him such an expert?
The explosion shattered the night, alarms blared, and chaos erupted as the south wall crumbled, revealing a path to freedom.
From our diagram, we can see the south wall is not where the mess hall is. Deary me.
Even without the (un)helpful diagram though, our narrator clearly tells us the bomb was planted in the walls of the mess hall, and yet this isn’t what’s crumbled. This is a major plot hole, and one that would have easily been fixed if ChatGPT had simply said “south wall” instead of “mess hall” earlier. It still wouldn’t have fixed the many other plot holes involving how on earth they got the bomb into any wall, but hey, it would have been a bit better.
Also, how did they all get out of their cells? Maybe it’s an open plan prison. There’s an idea. And it’s a bit out there, but if this had been mentioned, at least we would have gotten some kind of explanation.
“Chaos erupted” is a bit vague too. What kind of chaos? What are the guards doing? Did other prisoners get out too? Has anyone been injured because of a bomb that’s planted in one wall and makes another one crumble?
Some sensory elements are definitely called for here too. I’d like to hear about the ringing in Alex’s ears or the scent of fire and smoke making him cough and splutter. Any writer I can think of would probably have included something like this here.
But as they sprinted toward the breach, Alex noticed something—a guard, grinning with malice, clutching a second detonator.
“Alex noticed something” needs to go. We’re filtering through our main character and not getting his experience directly. Take out those three words and the sentence makes as much sense as it did with them. Something I’ve been trying to be more conscious of myself is to get rid of any superfluous words, and it will make the writing shine. I’m sure this is something Viggo Mortensen said to Dominic Monaghan on the set of The Lord of the Rings – it’s on one of their many, many documentaries about the making of the films, and was in regards to writing poetry, but I think it applies to all writing. Less is more.
“A guard”. This was a great opportunity for ChatGPT to add some specificity and tell us something, anything about this guard. Who is he? What’s his name? Has The Hawk had any pervious bad experiences with this guy? This would have helped the story come alive a little. In a story, no matter whether its a novel or a piece of microfiction, the world needs to feel believable, lived in. We have to know that the characters have had lives before the story began, and will continue to have lives after the final full stop. So tell us a name! “Officer Smith, that rat-nosed jerk who had The Hawk sent to solitary for fighting with Steve.”
Nope. Just “a guard”.
And he’s grinning with malice while holding a whatnow? The implications of what’s happening here are quite clear; this guard has a second detonator and is going to blow a hole both somewhere else in the prison, and in The Hawk’s plan. But… why!? I’m quietly impressed that ChatGPT wants to throw a twist into the story, as it’s been a pretty bog-standard Prisonbreak 101 story so far. But a detonator? I’m assuming the guard knew about their plan all along, and he’s got some twisted, narcissistic side to him, a bit like Percy Wetmore from The Green Mile. But surely if he knew of the plan, all he had to do was tell the warden? Especially given The Hawk has spent months preparing, presumably while the guard knew all along. He could have stopped him from blowing a hole in the south wall (via a bomb cleverly placed in the tiny mess hall located in the west of the building, remember) months before now.
And let’s just stop for a moment and talk about the method this guard has decided to use in order to stop the would-be escapees. Another bomb? He’s going to blow the men up as they attempt to escape the prison, which is:
Murder.
A wee bit extreme.
Almost certainly illegal.
Just really, really dumb.
ChatGPT’s version of a twist is certainly interesting. Must experiment with this…
Panic flashed in his men’s eyes.
Again, I’m seeing shadows. Shadows with panicky eyes, granted, but still just shadows. We still don’t know anything about The Hawk’s men. Who are they? Why did he choose them to break out with? How many are there?
Panic being outright named here again too. Don’t tell us they were panicking, show us, by giving these shadows some bit of character. Because right now, they’re not even as impactful as extras in a bad film.
"Get back!" Alex shouted, but it was too late.
“But it was too late” is a little cliché, and once again not needed here. We’ll read what happens next, next. In the very next sentence in fact, and we’ll see for ourselves that it’s too late. Superfluous, cliché writing.
The guard’s thumb pressed down, and the ground beneath them erupted in a violent blaze.
What does this detonator look like? If ChatGPT had gone for its own suggestion of, say, a smuggled mobile phone earlier, this part might not seem as nonsensical. A “detonator” is just lazy writing when you’ve not described what it looks like. We’ve all seen enough action films to know that detonators can look wildly different. The Doctor even fooled some Daleks with a Jammy Dodger once. If there had been a brief explanation that a mobile phone is used to trigger a remote bomb, ChatGPT might have written that the guard stands grinning with another phone in his hand, it would create a connection in the reader’s mind about the previous bomb, and we’d know without being told. The impact, and the shock (if you could suspend your disbelief at the rest of it) would be greater.
But wait, the ground erupts in a violent blaze? So this bomb was in the floor. What a clever little trickster this guard is. Except, you know, he’s going to have a hell of a bill to foot when he might have just reported to his boss that he’d spotted The Hawk burying a bomb into the mess hall wall.
I wonder if ChatGPT thinks this guard is a hero? If he was praised for his efforts here?
Let’s ask!
***
You said:
The guard that stopped the prisoners - what happened with him after the story, do you think?
ChatGPT
The guard who stopped the prisoners with the second detonator likely played a pivotal role in the aftermath. Here's what could have happened:
1. Immediate Aftermath:
Celebrated by the Warden: In the immediate aftermath, the guard could be hailed as a hero. His actions prevented a mass escape and likely saved many lives, earning him praise from the warden and prison officials.
Investigations and Debriefing: Despite his success, the incident would prompt a full-scale investigation. He’d be debriefed by internal affairs to ensure he acted alone and wasn’t involved in the smuggling of bomb materials. If he had knowledge of Alex’s plan ahead of time, his role might be scrutinized.
2. Reputation and Promotion:
Promotion and Rewards: Depending on the prison’s internal politics, he could receive a promotion or reward for his quick thinking and decisive action. Heroism in a high-stakes moment might elevate his standing, both among fellow guards and within the prison system.
Enemies in Prison: Despite being hailed as a hero by officials, the guard would become a marked man in the eyes of the inmates. Stopping Alex’s escape and ensuring the deaths of several prisoners would put a target on his back, making it dangerous for him to continue working in the prison.
3. Psychological Toll:
Guilt or Trauma: If the explosion resulted in a large number of casualties, including some of Alex's men, the guard could wrestle with guilt over the deaths, even if it was part of his duty. He might question whether there was another way to stop them or be haunted by the destruction he helped cause.
Paranoia and Fear: Knowing that Alex had united so many inmates and controlled factions inside the prison, the guard might live in constant fear of retaliation, not just from inside the prison but also from outside forces tied to Alex's criminal network.
4. Potential Corruption:
Target for Bribery or Revenge: Over time, the guard could become a target for bribery or manipulation by prisoners still loyal to Alex. Threats or extortion might push him into making decisions that conflict with his duties, or he could become a future informant for inmate plots.
Ultimately, the guard’s fate would depend on the consequences of the jailbreak and whether he could maintain his hero status while navigating the dangerous politics of life inside a prison.
***
Celebrated as a hero. Got you. After causing potentially millions of dollars of damages, smuggling a bomb into a prison, murdering inmates, and risking the lives of his colleagues. Fair enough.
The prison collapsed, flames consuming Alex's kingdom.
I actually forgot while writing that the whole prison collapsed! Yikes. So to add to my previous point, the guard has completely destroyed an entire prison, and killed everyone inside. Including himself, presumably. I suppose he could always accept a posthumous award for… bravery?
It’s also interesting that ChatGPT refers to the prison as “Alex’s kingdom”. In what way was it his kingdom? He united rival gangs in the prison but I’m not sure what else he did to make him the king of the place. It never says that he united all the prisoners, or that anyone aside from his fellow escapees regarded him has any sort of leader. This bit seems thrown in at the last moment.
His last thought, bitter and cold, was that he had led them here.
As the reader, I’ll decide if the thought is cold and bitter. This is the kind of thing that people new to writing sometimes do. You can’t just label something “cold and bitter” and have that be good enough for the reader. If we go back to The Lord of the Rings for a second, what if Tolkein had said:
One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them – and that’s really dark and scary. The type of stuff to give you goosebumps.
Let your own words give us the feelings you want us to feel, ChatGPT!
It’s also quite shocking here that we get the first hint of character for The Hawk. So he cares about the men? News to us! He had led them here, it’s his fault they’re dying in a flurry of smoke and ash. Suddenly these shadows show a hint of some colour, but it’s in the dying moments of the story.
And then, nothing.
This might actually be quite impactful if the rest of the piece hadn’t been pretty silly. Ending on the word “nothing” might have really worked. Presumption here is that The Hawk (and his men (and the guards (and all the other prisoners who were just trying to sleep (and any innocent passersby (and all the poor seagulls that had perched on top of the prison roof))))) has died in his attempt to escape. I wrote a microfiction story recently about a so-called witch being hanged during the witch trials in Massachusetts. I ended the story with: “And then –” which my beta-readers very generously said was a good way to go. The presumption is that the main character’s thoughts are suddenly interrupted, as she’s suddenly dropped to her doom. ChatGPT has eerily done a sort of similar thing here, but with less effect.
In conclusion, I don't think ChatGPT would have won Writing Battle for me. Not even close. I've seen arguments that AI isn't "supposed" to be used to do all the writing for you, and that I should just see this as a first draft.
If I got the bot to write a first draft, I got it to write the plot. And that's not writing. And honestly, I don't know how I'd make myself inspired to work on this, shape it into something submittable. In the end, I wrote a story about a large spider escaping from underneath a glass "prison". the bomb was a spider bomb pesticide that the two terrified main characters thought might solve their spider problem.
It didn't win, but I'd rather lose with my own writing than try to win with someone else's.
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